Sometimes things just aren't what they seem

Healing at home
First day home from surgery

Sisters in the sun
Typical Kira, blissed out in the sun - Texas born!

I just re-read my last post, the one full of hope and joy that Kira had come through surgery and had a good prognosis. We were told at that time that she had a slow-growing tumor that had been removed with wide, clear margins. The plan was to help her recover from surgery and off we'd be into the wild blue yonder.

Today Kira and I met with the oncologist for a consult, something the surgeon recommended we do after she received the final biopsy report after surgery. Instead of the low-grade tumor they thought she had, she actually has a final diagnosis of hemangiopericytoma, high grade. But even as we went to meet the oncologist I was sure we'd just discuss the cost of chemo and figure out a way to pay for it and be done. Instead what I heard were numbers. Numbers swirling at me so fast I could hardly decipher them. Three chemo options, #2 the best, $750 every three weeks, five rounds of treatment. It went on and on until one number stopped my heart and time stood still.

Maybe 9 months with treatment.

I was not prepared to hear someone give me a date of my dog's presumed death. I don't remember anything else about the appointment, I'm sure we discussed the necessary bloodwork (which I consented to) and ultrasound (which I rejected) and they took Kira away to get her urine tested since I'm positive she has a bladder infection. Other than that I heard nothing until the lady called me to the counter to pay the bill. Of course that number jarred me back to reality!

Kira was thrilled to hop back in the car with me and go for a ride. She didn't care if she had cancer. She wasn't thinking about numbers or bills or drugs to consider. She didn't hold the future of someones life in her hands.

She just sat back and enjoyed the ride. In the moment, the breeze blowing, hot sun streaming in. She relaxed and rested, knowing she'd soon be home where she belongs.

I still have no idea what we will choose for Kira in the days to come. But I have hope. And determination. And the distant memory of one Friday morning almost ten years ago when I received the call telling me to come take Kira home for her last 2-3 weeks of life. And I'm so glad I didn't listen to that doctor. I'm glad I'm the most stubborn person I know. And I'm glad that Kira has taught me once again that this life is a really great journey, but it's the destination that counts.

For now I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Enjoying the ride in her pretty pink shirt